An Act of Spite........ Written by Vic Davey

 It was an act of spite, pure and simple. The blind date to end all blind dates. My "so called friend" set it up, said I owed him. Mind you, I couldn't really blame him, I did borrow his new car without telling him....and then wrote it off. I was fine but the car was consigned to the crusher. He said it was ok at the time, but.......

I had arranged to meet my "date" outside a restaurant in town. In hindsight, I wish now it had been the Cinema as it would, at least, have been dark for most of the time. 

I know people can't help the way they look but I thought she might have shaved her upper lip, you know? She had a happy smile though which would have looked so much happier if she'd had teeth. Since we were outside a Steakhouse, I did wonder how she would manage a T-bone. Turns out her gums are well honed....

Much is made today of the dangers of obesity, but they'd obviously fallen on deaf ears. The last time I saw a dress like that was on a circus tent. 

Now I like boobs as much as the next guy, but hers defied the laws of gravity, hell, they defied the laws of physics and how she managed to remain upright I'll never know. But, she would never fall flat on her face. 

Anyway, they made room for us at the back of the restaurant after moving tables around, to squeeze us in, much to the displeasure of the other diners. She ordered two starters, I just picked at mine, followed by enormous T-bone steaks and a mountain of chips. God, it was like watching a chainsaw on a log of wood!

The conversation was somewhat stilted. I asked if she had read any good books lately and she looked at me as though I had asked her the chemical formula for Kryptonite. Seems she knew the names of every winner of Love Island and wouldn't accept that the Real Housewives of LA were not actually real housewives.

I was dreading the end of the meal and of the date, in case I was expected to ask her back to my place. A wrestling match with a barrage balloon in my single bed and the thought of being smothered to death didn't really turn me on. 

As it turned out, the finale to Big Brother was on TV and she decided that took priority over any romantic intentions she might have had. My relief was immeasurable. I told her I would Whatsapp her which I think she thought was a sexual perversion. In any case, I never did and never saw her again....until.....

Five years later I was just coming out of Tesco when I heard a female voice calling me. I turned to see a sexy vision of loveliness approaching me, a stunning redhead with a perfect figure, beautiful face and legs up to her armpits, clad in a minidress. Seems she recognized me, it was my one and only blind date.... who was now fashion model.... and married to some rich guy. Oh well, you can't win them all......


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