A Grand Day Out........ Written by Vic Davey

 Blackpool! I ask you, what bright spark suggested it for a lads day out? Blackpool, capital of "Kiss me quick hats", Candy Floss and sticks of rock guaranteed to annhialate your teeth. I say lads but, to be honest, we're all well past our sell by date. 3 devout drinkers and me, expected to keep them in line. I mean, what could possibly go wrong?

So there we were, myself, Tom and Dave waiting anxiously for the train and for Charles whose timekeeping was not his forte. Just as the train was pulling in, he comes scuttling down the stairs and along the platform, red in the face and wheezing like a cart horse. "Sorry...sorry," he gasped, "alarm clock...."

We hauled him into the carriage and shoved him into the window seat of four we had booked with a table. We were barely underway when Dave reached into his rucksack and handed out 3 cans of John Smiths and a Tizer for me. "Start as we mean to go on," he said taking a large gulp from his can."First today," he said proudly. It was 7.15. 'God help us,' I thought. 

The next two and a half hours passed uneventfully, that was until Tom knocked his can of beer over his trousers and waddled off down the aisle in a semi crouch to the loo to try to dry off.

We actually made it to the SeaFront without further mishap. It was the Golden Mile of amusement arcades, souvenir shops, restaurants, and, of course, The Tower and the trams which rattled their way back and forth. 

Dave wanted to go into see Gypsy Rose Lee, thinking she was a stripper. We persuaded him she was a Fortune Teller! He was not amused. 

We were feeling hungry so stopped and bought fish and chips and strolled along eating them out of newspaper, something Tom was to regret later after a ride on the Roller Coaster on Pleasure Beach. We warned him but, no, he insisted and on the downward plunge, proceed to throw up all over the occupants of the seats in front! Another trip to the toilet to clean up.

Charles was quite taken with the arcades and set about buying a sackful of tokens for the machines. They disappeared in about 10 minutes and so did he after being asked to leave as he thumped one machine too many after failing to win. "Bloody things are fixed," he growled.

We stumbled out into the daylight and realized Dave had gone missing. He was nowhere in sight. We crossed the main road, just dodging a couple of trams bearing down on us. The beach was crowded and we thought perhaps he had rolled up his trousers legs and was having a paddle. 

We walked along scanning the crowds until we heard someone shouting. "Get off! Get off, you frigging idiot ! What do you think you are doing?" 

Fearing the worst, we stepped onto the beach. Dave, in his wisdom, thought he might like a Donkey ride. And there he was, astride an ugly, shaggy steed, facing it's rear end and galloping across the sand, scattering families in his flight.

To this day, I don't know how we stopped him and got him off in one piece. We managed to pacify the owner not to call the Police with a couple cans of beer and about 20 quid compensation, although the Donkey appeared none the worse for wear, which was more than you could say for Dave who spent the rest of the day walking bow legged and complaining about "my knackers!" 

Anyway, somehow we made it back to Blackpool Station in time for our train. We slumped in our seats and one by one, dropped off to sleep. Luckily I'm a light sleeper and had drunk no alcohol so managed to wake in time to rouse the others as our train pulled into the station. 

We stumbled out onto the platform and Tom, looking down at his beer and vomit stained clothes said,"Bloody hell, that was a grand day out. Same again next year?"