The Dead Fly Sketch - A Monty Python Parody by Barry Denson


[Scene: A sun-washed terrace bar in coastal Spain. Plastic chairs. Slight scent of aftershave and calamari. Barry stands at the bar, holding up a pint of beer with a floating arthropod inside. Luis, the barman, is cheerfully drying glasses that do not look especially clean.]

Barry (British, incensed but polite):
Hola. Excuse me. There’s a dead fly in my beer.

Luis (smiling broadly):
Ah sí! Is garnish. We call him Pedro. He always choose the best drinks.

Barry:
He’s floating! Face down in my Estrella like a drunk sailor. He’s clearly dead.

Luis:
No, señor — he is... how you say... tranquilo. Very relaxed fly. Spanish fly, no?

Barry:
He’s not relaxed, he’s deceased! This fly has lost interest in all things fizzy! It has popped its last bubble! It has buzzed its final buzz!

Luis (peering in):
Hmm. Maybe he is… a little bit... muerto. Tiny bit. But still very good fly. Local!

Barry:
Local?! He’s doing the backstroke in the afterlife!

Luis:
We use only fresh ingredients — beer, olives, flies. Is eco-friendly. You want no additives, you get natural protein.

Barry:
I wanted a lager, not a liquid safari! Why is there a six-legged corpse in my pint like it's some kind of aquatic funeral?

Luis (shrugs):
Maybe he drink too much. Is hot day. Happens to everyone. Even flies.

Barry:
I want a new beer. One without wildlife!

Luis:
No problem, señor. Una cerveza… con menos fly.

[He takes the glass, tips it slightly, and spoons the fly out with a cocktail stick, flicking it nonchalantly onto the bar mat.]

Luis (grinning):
¡Ahì està!. Is vegan now.

Barry:
I can still see the wings! They're clinging to the head like a tragic toupee!

Luis:
This is España, my friend. Here, the fly comes free. The head, you pay for.

Barry:
This is outrageous. I demand a replacement!

Luis:
You want replacement fly?

Barry:
No! I want a new pint! Preferably insect-free!

Luis (gesturing toward a sunlit fridge):
Ah… no can do. Next delivery is mañana. Until then… you want wine?

Barry (pause):
Does it come with a wasp?

Luis:
Only in Rioja, Señor.

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