What makes me Happy............... Written by Vic Davey

 "Jesus wept! What were you thinking of? Are you out of your tiny mind? You think that's gonna make me happy?" She spat the words at me. "Camping in the Cairngorms in November...for crying out loud! You don't know me do you, you don't know me at all! Well thanks for nothing...!" 

With that she stormed out of the room, slamming the door. I sat there, stunned at the verbal onslaught. A minute later, I heard the front door slam and the house descended into silence. 

Of course we weren't going camping. As a surprise I had booked a charming stone cottage at the edge of Loch Lomond. I had visions of romantic candle-lit dinners, a roaring log fire replete with fur rug for more intimate moments, and then....The Big Proposal! 

Just like me, I'd screwed it up again. I could have told her, but then no surprise. We'd had a difficult few months, felt like we were drifting apart and I knew I had to do something. 

By 6 o'clock she still wasn't home and I was fearing the worse. I decided to call Fiona, Liz's best friend. 

"Hello James. How are you?"  

"Fiona, have you seen or heard from Liz?" I asked with no pre-amble. " We had a blazing row this morning and I'm worried about her. She's still not home." Silence at the other end. " You still there?" 

"Yes, still here and yes, she stopped by," she replied guardedly. "She was... upset." 

"Oh God....I really fucked up this time." I went on to explain what I'd done.

" I know you wanted to surprise her, but, really, camping?" 

" What do I do, Fiona? I can't lose her...." Another long pause.

" James....I really shouldn't tell you this, but you're a friend too." She said, slowly. " I think Liz is seeing someone."

Suddenly, the bottom fell out of my world. I felt dizzy, I collapsed onto the sofa, my head and emotions in a tumble dryer. I dropped the phone.....and must have passed out. 

I felt someone shaking me, violently and shouting my name. I opened my eyes, groggily, like from a drunken stupor...it was Liz. "Oh thank God, thank God! I thought your were....." She gave a sob and fell onto the sofa beside me....

My head cleared and I knew I had to ask the question but dreading the answer. "Who is he Liz? The guy you are seeing"?

" So you know," she said simply, a strange smile on her face. " Fiona?" 

I nodded. 

"Yes, I have been seeing someone, someone who has an Apartment".

" You are moving out?" I croaked.

" We both are," she replied, reaching out to touch my face. I shook my head. 

"What the frig are you talking about? Don't you like this house?" 

" I love this house, but it's only for a week. The apartment overlooks The Grand Canal and The Rialto Bridge. I was going to propose to you, you great idiot....."