The Election for the Parish Council by Charles Roberts

Hey man, look at all these people, this is so cool baby. My name is Niilhaasi Ooki, that’s Creek Indian for Moon Water, that’s the name my Guru gave me when I went to India man.

Boy was it cool back then. I represent the H.A.C.Party and this is my manifesto.

That’s the Haven’t A Clue Party and that about sums us all up, cause I don’t think anyone here has a clue to what they’re letting themselves in for man.

The first thing we’ll do is put baskets up on all the lamp posts and fill them with flowers, then we’ll give every house two baskets each, one to hang either side of the front door and fill 'em with flowers, and we’ll buy a tanker and we’ll go round every day in the tanker and water the baskets.

We’ll encourage people to grow their own fruit and vegetables, to go green man.

We’ll get rid of that old tar-mac playground at the school and put grass down. Clay lane, instead of resurfacing it we’ll grass it.

Incidentally that field down the lane with the weeds is my hay field, green is good man. We’re gonna plant trees everywhere, to combat the greenhouse effect. We’ll plant ‘em down the High street, in the church yard, in the hedge rows, everywhere man. This is going to be greens vile dude, folks are gonna come from miles around just to look man. Never mind the factories and the industry, the city can keep that, this is the country dude and what the country needs are more trees, more flowers man.

This village doesn’t need putting on the map, it’s mentioned in the Doomsday Book dude. The country is a place to dwell, not just to live but to dwell, a place to relax, where all you hear is the buzzing of the bees, the twittering of the birds’ man, you don’t want to hear industry or factories. We’ll make sure that nobody cuts their grass on the weekend, it’s not nice to go out in your garden with a read and suddenly hear a mower start up man, ruins the whole day, and barbecues man, the smell of those burning onions, hey if you must have a barbecue have bacon man that’ll cover the smell of burning onions.

We’ll make sure those new buses are Eco buses. We’ll see if we can get an aerial built at the South end of the village for Wi-Fi computer connection, this government has said it wants every home to be on computer, so let’s do it.

And those satellite dishes, we don’t need them spoiling our High street, so let’s try and get one aerial for the whole village and a cable to each house, it’s been done elsewhere so why not here. It’s worth looking into. That’s about it dude 'cept to leave you all with one thought peace man, peace and love dude, that’s all you need. Vote for the H.A.C.Party and go green.