Wyatt And His Brothers By Dave Dawson

 

 

 

Wyatt Earp turned to his brothers sitting astride their make-believe horses that, in reality, was the ranch fence separating the garden from the wider Yorkshire dales and, trying his best to transform his pre-pubescent treble into the mid-west baritone drawl of the cowboy movies they all loved, told them his news.

‘Pardners’, he said, adopting the parlance of the west, ‘just so you know, I’m figuring to get hitched sometime soon’. He swung his left leg over the top spar of the fence and sat ‘side saddle’ whilst they digested his news.

‘You what’, exclaimed his siblings in unison, ‘who to’?, continued the middle brother of the three identical triplets.

Wyatt, or in truth, Jimmy, puffed up his chest and said ‘I was figuring to ask Miss Obrian’.

‘Miss Obrian……’ an incredulous Josh exclaimed, ‘Pardner, your nine…., she must be about….., a hundred!’.

‘I don’t care pardner, I figure she loves me, and I reckon I love her’.

‘Pardner, Jimmy, your crazy! I mean she’s really, really nice and everything but how do you figure she loves you’?

‘The way she makes me feel all excited when she bends over me to look at my work. She breathes on my neck ‘n’ she smells unbelievable. Yup, I reckons to be getting hitched mighty soon’.

Josh laughed out loud at his brother which made Jimmy reach for the gun he wore at his side and point it at Josh, ‘Any man wants to call me had better be ready to draw,’ he said.

‘Whoa, Pardner…., this needs a little bit of thinking time. ‘What if she says “no”? anyway, she’s the same with everyone in class. She leans over me and sometimes I get all excited too. She’s got amazing boobies too, and one time, I got so excited I pumped, out loud!’.

This made all three brothers start laughing! They laughed so hard they had to hold on tight to the fence, lest they fall off.

Hearing the laughter, their father stepped through the back door to ask what all the fuss was. ‘So,’ he enquired, ‘who do we have here..?’

‘Mister’ said Jimmy, ‘I’m Wyatt Earp and these here are my brothers’.

‘Why, I do recall I heard about you three hombre’s’ he said, mirroring the Americanisms…,, ‘I might’ve heard of your reputation. Am I right, you’re really called The Three Twerps….?’ he laughed at his own joke.

‘Oh, mister, you sure knows how to rile a man,’ the three siblings drew their guns as one and fired ten rounds each into the chest of the stranger in their midst. The smell of spent caps filled the still air as the stranger, gripping his chest, staggered back through the door he had come through.

Jimmy was the eldest of the three brothers by forty-three minutes. ‘Like shelling peas’ their mum had said, ‘one after the other, out you all popped’.

They were so identical that even she was sometimes confused about who was who and so, today, to make it easier, they all wore a different coloured shirts. Each shirt sported a badge proclaiming their position as Sherriff. With the exception of the shirts, they were all dressed identically. Brown shoes and socks, short brown trousers held up by cowboy themed braces and a cowboy hat on top of their blonde heads. Jim’s shirt was red, Josh wore blue and the youngest, Joseph, wore yellow. Sometimes, boys being boys, they would swap shirts to confuse her, which would result in a twisted ear and a serious belly tickle for the first one she could catch.

‘Well, that sure showed him’ said Joseph, holstering his gun. ‘So’, he said getting back to the topic in hand ‘what if Miss Obrian says “no” when you ask her, as I reckon she will. I also reckon she might be married already to another hombre’.

Jimmy thought for a moment. ‘Well, Pardners, I don’t figure it to be a big problem, but, if the little lady is already hitched, I have a back up plan ready ‘n’ waitin! I think I’ll ask Lucy Marshall if she wants to marry me cos she always looks really nice and smells soooo nice too, all the time’.

‘Ma says she smells like that because she uses Camay soap,’ offered Josh, who failed to notice the bulging eyes of Joseph, who had instinctively reached for his gun. He and Lucy were already secretly sworn to each other and planned to marry as soon as they turned twelve. A kiss had sealed the contract. She would be a nurse and he, a policeman. They would have four kids, two boys and two girls.

‘You might have a problem with that plan’ said Joseph to Jimmy, ‘Lucy and I already got engaged and I just might have to shoot you, pardner, if you plan to take her away’.

Jimmy scoffed, ‘you and Lucy, hombre? Why, I’ll shoot you dead in a moment if I have to’.

Josh intervened. ‘We’re only nine, it’s too young to be fighting over girls! anyway, I reckon Maw will have the beans ‘n’ pork ready soon, and I could eat a horse’!

By now, they were all sitting side saddle on the fence, swinging their feet and looking out over the vast expanse of green before them. For three cowboys, facing into the sun, life was perfect. They were ready for their lunch after which, they planned to take a ride, maybe round up a few hombre’s to re-enact the shootout at the OK Corral, that had held them spellbound whilst watching their very favourite movie, Tombstone.

In the kitchen, their mum had cooked sausages and warmed the beans and buttered six slices of thick bread to feed her hungry monsters. Laying the kitchen table, she placed three plates in three places and the plate of bread in the centre before opening the back door and giving three blasts on the old-fashioned air horn that was used to summon them home, if they were beyond the confines of the garden.

‘OK pardners’, said Wyatt, ‘I guess it’s time we tie up these horses and go chow down. Pork ‘n’ beans, that sure sounds good to me’.