Subsumed - a short story by Berni Albrighton

 Visions of you in desperate situations dominated my every moment. 

I waited.

It was only a matter of time before our lives would be thrown into turmoil again.

There was never long enough in between episodes to get too complacent.

The horrors we faced as a family, all arising from your addiction, would exhaust us all.

We were subsumed in the terror that this could be the final act of self destruction by you.

Each one had scarred your body, creating a cartography that commemorated your acts of attempted suicide.

There were many.

Seeing the burns on your chest from the defibrillator, that stayed with me for a long time.

Your tears broke my heart as you apologised for the trouble you caused. It never got easier to witness.

Then there was the text.

Your finale had been drawn out, torturous, degrading. 

You had lain on the floor for days.

No one knew.

You often begged me to walk away and forget you.

I couldn't do that because somewhere deep within me I felt you needed my love.

You needed to know that I adored my big brother.