Happy Families-a short story by Vic Davey

 I come from a very eclectic family. Some might say weird, but admittedly, they are somewhat "unusual." For instance, my Grandfather nearly married an Egyptian Belly Dancer while my Great, Great Aunt Agatha was a nurse who worked with Florence Nightingale for a time and married a Zulu. My family was also very much into the arts, not the painting and sculpting, but music and dance and drama. I had an Uncle who was a musician, another great Aunt who was a Prima Ballerina and a Cousin who was an actor. Unfortunately all their careers came to a premature and unfortunate end, but their stories should be told for posterity......

My Grandfather was a young man in the mid 1920's. He was too young to fight in the Great War and in any case would have refused on religious grounds....he was a devout coward. Anyway, one evening he was in London with some friends and found himself in a Nightclub. He had led a very sheltered life and in those days Nightclubs were not like they are today. There was a live band, a dancefloor around which tables were set, food would be served and there was always a cabaret. 

This particular evening, the cabaret act was a rather well built Egyptian Belly Dancer. My Grandfather was mesmerized, having seen nothing like it before, as she swung her hips, wobbled her large bosom and gyrated her tassels and especially when, part way through her act, she performed with a snake which at one point, somehow disappeared. No one was quite sure where it went although one or two had a pretty good idea. 

By the end of her performance, granddad was in love. He managed to bribe one of the stage hands and gain access to her Dressing Room. He knocked, she answered  and he entered. She was at her mirror taking off her stage makeup. They struck up a conversation and he discovered she was from Cairo and performed all around Europe as "The Exotic Doris".  He asked if it was her full time job and she said it was but she also had a little sideline to boost her income. She swore him to secrecy when he asked what it was.....

Apparently she had a brother, Ahmed, who worked as a digger on archaeological sites and even worked for Howard Carter when, a few years earlier, Tutankhamun's tomb was discovered in this Valley of the Kings. Evidently, Ahmed was a bit of a kleptomaniac and had a habit of concealing small items, statuettes and jewelry up his gallibaya. These he would then pass on to his sister to sell on the black market while on her travels. Like now, there was a lot of interest in King Tut so there was never any shortage of buyers. 

Grandfather asked if she had any items with her, she said she did and invited him back to her flat in Bayswater. He was smitten and of course agreed, eager to see her artifacts which she showed him. Once he had them in his hands and ran his fingers over them, he knew he wanted to be with her. So, cutting a long story short, he went to Cairo and moved in with her hoping they might get engaged.

So, there they were, one afternoon, lying in bed in her apartment overlooking the Plain of Giza, watching the sunset over the Sphinx when he felt her hand moving up his thigh. He thinks they are in for some more Egyptian P.T. but it was not her hand on his leg...... it was her snake which had escaped from its tank, slithered under the bedclothes and unfortunately bit him on the testicles. He cried out in pain and they blew up like melons and he imagined spending the rest of his life carrying them around in a wheelbarrow.

An ambulance was called and he was rushed to hospital. The poison had started to spread and the only way they could save his life was to castrate him.

 The last anyone heard of him he was the lead soprano with the Vienna Boys Choir....

Next time I will tell you about my Musician Uncle and his last performance.